Drive fast. Turn left.

There it is. The exciting conclusion to this year's Daytona 500. This is our country's number 1 spectator sport. It gets better ratings then the World Series or NBA Finals. And we wonder why everyone in the world hates Americans.

Fact: NASCAR is the dumbest "sport" in America today. Arguments to support this:

1. All they do is step on a gas pedal and turn the wheel to the left. Last time I checked anyone can do this. All you need is one arm and a set of functional legs, prosthetics would work too. Seriously, how many other "sports" can you say that for?

2. The races are 500 miles. Like most people who don't have a confederate flag hanging in their bedroom, I don't watch NASCAR, so I'm guessing races take anywhere from 3-5 hours. Is this really necessary? The guy that won Daytona (Kevin Harvick) was in 15th place with 2 laps to go. He didn't lead a lap until the checkered flag. Explain to me what those first 199 laps accomplished?

3. I could live with the races being too long, except for the fact that they continuously slow everyone down and regroup during "cautions." Imagine if they did this in a marathon. Every time someone fell and got hurt, all of the Kenyans up front slowed down and waited for the wheel chair racers in the back. They all get back in line, jog slowly, and wait for the race organizers to tell them to start trying again. Kind of goes against the definition of the word "race," agreed?

4. A quick Google search tells me, "The average NASCAR gets 4.5 miles per gallon and each race has about 50 drivers and there are about 40 races in the season. They use over 200,000 gallons of gas in a year." I'm not gonna go Al Gore here and, but that is a ridiculous waste of natural resources, and it is undoubtedly driving up gas prices for the rest of us. Keep in mind, that doesn't even factor in the thousands of practice miles logged by each driver. After all, those left turns do need to be perfect.

5. Call me a damn Yankee if you wish. Call me classy, intelligent, and clean as well, but I fucking hate the south. And since NASCAR is to the south what oppressing women is to Muslims (read: extremely popular), I am obligated to dislike it and the subculture of white trash that follows it.

6. "If you aint cheatin, you aint tryin," actual quote from a NASCAR crew chief. Good to see that this organization supports fair play. Five drivers were caught trying to cheat before this past race, including one who attempted to add rocket fuel to his car. At first I was surprised that a bigger deal isn't made out of this, but then I realized that the hardcore fans are too dumb to care. I bet Barry Bonds, Floyd Landis and other infamous sports cheaters are wishing their fan base had a lower IQ. NASCAR fans are simple people like to drink some Budweiser and watch the good old boys go round and round.

It is for all of these reasons that I hate NASCAR, and so should you.