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Why old people shouldn't drive

This is for Moses and his constant obsession with people driving through the window of stores.

Worst dive of all time?

Ok, maybe that was the 2nd worst:

Good God?

A new way to look at organized religion. Through the eyes of a 10 year old boy on a since-canceled sitcom. I think he it this one right on the head.

The atheist in me laughs those of you who are offended by this. Because deep down, you know he is right.

A message for Mother Nature

Duke Lax Rapes Dartmouth...

...on the field.

...they've moved on from raping black strippers to preppy white boys.

...once again, no charges were filed.

...DNA tests pending.

...in Durham, NC, the team is no longer known as the "Blue Devils." Appropriately, they are being called the "White Devils +1."

This story just lends itself to easy jokes. Got one? Leave it in the comment box.

Trash, and the people who are/buy it

Unless you've been living in a cave, you already know what Britney did:




Well, now (for a minimum bid of $1,000,000) you can have the chance to own Britney's former hair. I wish I was joking, but I'm not.


What is more disturbing? That someone is going to be stupid enough to pay this much for souvenir hair? That some asshole is going to become a millionaire because of it? Or that formerly-hot Britney looks like she's growing a rat-tail mullet in the picture above?

Drive fast. Turn left.

There it is. The exciting conclusion to this year's Daytona 500. This is our country's number 1 spectator sport. It gets better ratings then the World Series or NBA Finals. And we wonder why everyone in the world hates Americans.

Fact: NASCAR is the dumbest "sport" in America today. Arguments to support this:

1. All they do is step on a gas pedal and turn the wheel to the left. Last time I checked anyone can do this. All you need is one arm and a set of functional legs, prosthetics would work too. Seriously, how many other "sports" can you say that for?

2. The races are 500 miles. Like most people who don't have a confederate flag hanging in their bedroom, I don't watch NASCAR, so I'm guessing races take anywhere from 3-5 hours. Is this really necessary? The guy that won Daytona (Kevin Harvick) was in 15th place with 2 laps to go. He didn't lead a lap until the checkered flag. Explain to me what those first 199 laps accomplished?

3. I could live with the races being too long, except for the fact that they continuously slow everyone down and regroup during "cautions." Imagine if they did this in a marathon. Every time someone fell and got hurt, all of the Kenyans up front slowed down and waited for the wheel chair racers in the back. They all get back in line, jog slowly, and wait for the race organizers to tell them to start trying again. Kind of goes against the definition of the word "race," agreed?

4. A quick Google search tells me, "The average NASCAR gets 4.5 miles per gallon and each race has about 50 drivers and there are about 40 races in the season. They use over 200,000 gallons of gas in a year." I'm not gonna go Al Gore here and, but that is a ridiculous waste of natural resources, and it is undoubtedly driving up gas prices for the rest of us. Keep in mind, that doesn't even factor in the thousands of practice miles logged by each driver. After all, those left turns do need to be perfect.

5. Call me a damn Yankee if you wish. Call me classy, intelligent, and clean as well, but I fucking hate the south. And since NASCAR is to the south what oppressing women is to Muslims (read: extremely popular), I am obligated to dislike it and the subculture of white trash that follows it.

6. "If you aint cheatin, you aint tryin," actual quote from a NASCAR crew chief. Good to see that this organization supports fair play. Five drivers were caught trying to cheat before this past race, including one who attempted to add rocket fuel to his car. At first I was surprised that a bigger deal isn't made out of this, but then I realized that the hardcore fans are too dumb to care. I bet Barry Bonds, Floyd Landis and other infamous sports cheaters are wishing their fan base had a lower IQ. NASCAR fans are simple people like to drink some Budweiser and watch the good old boys go round and round.

It is for all of these reasons that I hate NASCAR, and so should you.

Pie in the face

Totally random, I know, but I just remembered how funny this video is:


The extended version is good, too. Check out pies #2 and #3.



And, just because I stumbled across it, watch the antichrist Ann Coulter get pied too.


Too bad they missed.

The Death of the Dunk Contest.

The slam dunk contest used to be one of the most entertaining events of the year. There were epic battles among the games best (Jordan vs. Wilkins) and the some of the most spectacular athletes showcasing their incomparable dunking prowess (Vince Carter). There was also Spud Webb.

But there was a problem. With only a basketball and a hoop, there is only so much a man can do. I don't care who he is, unless someone finds a way to dunk with no hands, it has pretty much all been done before.

Now the contest has been reduced to a glorified jumping contest. Granted, each leap has something extra, like a nice two-handed windmill (yawn), or a an arm covering one's eyes to give the illusion that they can't see (seen it). But the highlights of this year's contest were basically Dwight Howard jumping really high and putting a sticker on the backboard and Gerald Green leaping over Nate Robinson and a scorer's table. Sidenote to Nate Robinson, we get it, you are short and you can dunk. We are all very impressed, now go away.

The blame for this doesn't fall on the players. It's not their fault that everything has been done before. The NBA needs to breathe a little life into one of it's showcase events. Allow props. Encourage showmanship. Get the game's marquee players involved. Who wouldn't want to see Kobe attempt a 180 flip off a trampoline after going through a ring of fire?

The most interesting part of the above video are the highlights of Shaq and LeBron dancing. That doesn't bode well for the contest. Now look at the Slam Ball dunk below. Who would argue that it isn't more entertaining?